MM N 46. Notes related to art

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MM N 46, fol. 1r

    In order to understand my remarks
about how I believed it would be a crime
for me to marry I will elucidate the following:
my maternal grandmother died of tuberculosis
My mother died of tuberculosis
as did her sister Hansine 

    My aunt who came to [live with]  us has apparently
been tubercular. Throughout her entire life she has
suffered from colds accompanied by blood-tinged sputum as well as
bronchitis. My sister Sofie  died of tuberculosis

    We other children suffered from severe colds
while growing up – I came to this world in poor health
was baptised at home and my father did not believe
that I would survive – I was forced to neglect school
almost entirely – Had continuous attacks
of violent colds illness
and rheumatic fever – Had profuse haemorrhaging and
blood-tinged sputum. My brother had weak
lungs and died of pneumonia as a young man

MM N 46, fol. 2r

    My paternal grandfather the archdeacon died
of tuberculosis of the spine – Which  …  I
believe was the cause of my father’s morbid anxiety
and disposition – The likes of which
developed more and more in
us children

    I consequently do not believe that my
art is morbid – as Scharfenberg and
many others believe. These are people who do not
understand the essence of art nor are they
familiar with art history

    When I paint illness and misfortune
it is on the contrary a healthy release

    It is a healthy reaction that
one can learn from and live by

MM N 46, fol. 3r

How I hit upon the idea to paint
friezes and murals

    I have also intended to help others
to understand their own lives

    I have always worked best with
my paintings around me –

    I arranged them together and felt
that some of the pictures were connected to
each other in content –

    When they were positioned together there immediately
arose a resonance between them and
they became totally different than when [displayed] individually
It became a symphony

    That is when I decided to paint friezes