MM T 2704. Sketchbook

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MM T 2704, p. 0-R

    Notebook for
Edvard Munch

MM T 2704, p. 1

    Brandt  felt a need for Solitude
– he travelled down to his little
House in Aasgaardstrand  –

    He had bought this House
half a Year ago from a Fisherman
who wished to move to the City –

    He bought it in order to live there half
the Year in Peace from life
in Kristiania  –

    Aasgårdstrand lies in a Curve
facing the Fjord – beneath small Hills
– The Houses are yellow and white Wood structures
all in a row – like Teeth – Against
a Shore of Boulders
the Water dashes –

    – Brandt sat in the little
Wooden house – The House was
situated on a hill

MM T 2704, p. 3

A Brook and a pleasant Garden with Chokecherry trees
ran down to the Shore – with the
white and many-coloured Stones –
the Water –

    There was only a Sitting Room and Kitchen –
There were small many-paned Windows
and in the blue Kitchen
was a large old-fashioned Hearth – that filled
nearly half the Room –

    He went up to the cluttered
Sitting Room – where there was only a
Table a few Chairs and a wide
double Bed –

    The Rooms were cold and damp
despite the Fire being lit – It had been
left unheated for so long –

    It was strange to be alone
at home – in one’s own House

MM T 2704, p. 5

No one needed to disturb him –
– It was his own Property – It had not
cost him a Bundle and it was not
fine, but his –

    and out there in the Garden were all
his Trees – Stones – Birds –
– the Shore – and the Water that
washed up onto the Stones –

    It was his Sky there above –
and his Stars –

    – It was dark now
and grey – Late winter – the Waterfall
in the Garden – the pale yellow blades of Grass
– that were green this Summer – lay
dead – pressed to the earth –
He went out onto the Road and gazed about him
– The white and yellow and red wooden Houses
stood naked in their small Gardens
with Leafless Trees.

MM T 2704, p. 7

Spread out before him the Fjord
and the Sea in the distance were a Leaden
grey – with drifting grey
Clouds above –

    Out there in the Lead-coloured
Sea – thousands of Fish
swam – and lived and loved and died

    Along the whitish Shore composed
of Boulders – coloured Dark where
the Water had washed over them –
lived the Human children – the Fishermen

    – Sun-tanned – and dark they walked about
bent over there on the Shore
tending their Nets –

    They lived off the Fish down there and drew
them up in white – Squirming
silvery Heaps – Upon closer

MM T 2704, p. 9

inspection one saw a shiny
squirming Fish – and thereafter two large
Eyes that stared with an empty gaze
at the new World it had entered

    – Where everything was grey – and naked
now –

    The summer’s Colour Scheme
had abandoned the Place –

    The Bathing season Guests
from the City had abandoned it

    The fiery red, white – light blue
Summer Women had left –

    The Summer Night’s white Veil
no longer lay over
the intense Colours.

MM T 2704, p. 11

    There were only old Fishermen in
Town – many went out in
the Morning – way out where
the Fish were abundant and did not
return until the Evening.

    The Young Men were all out
at Sea – and thus
only old Wives and Women
and Children were to be seen –

    Down there on the Shore
Morten Dammen  stood bowed – Hunchbacked,
he was always to be seen down there among
the Stones – fixing his Nets – he
resembled a large brown Stone –

    – And then there was Sluten – the best
Fisherman – always drunk – and with a Wooden Leg

MM T 2704, p. 13

And if one asked the Wives in
the Houses about their Men – their
Sons – then in every House
– either a Father – or Brother
or Husband had been left behind –

    In every House a Man
had been left behind and lay at the Bottom of the Sea –
– But in the Summer the Houses
were filled with joyous flocks from the City –

    I wandered down there along the
grey-white Shore –

    It was here that I first became
familiar with a new World, the World of Love.

    Young and inexperienced – from

MM T 2704, p. 15

a Cloister-like Home – I had not
like others among my Comrades
learned anything about this Mystery
– Never before experienced the mystical
Power of the Eyes – never the intoxicating
Power of the Kiss – I met here
the young two-Year-older
– Salon Lady from Kristiania 

    Everyone knew the beautiful coquette
Madame T  –

    Here I learned the Power of two
Eyes that grew as large as
Heavenly Globes in close Proximity – which
sent out Threads that – sneaked
their way into my Blood – my Heart.

    – Here I learned the peculiar – Music –
of the Voice – which was now
tender – now teasing now
inciting –

MM T 2704, p. 17

I stood before the Mystery of Woman –
– I gazed into an undreamed of World –
My Curiosity – was awakened –
– What meaning did this
Gaze have – what did it know – this Gaze
that I did not know –

    This Gaze issued from a dreadful
strange – and magnificent World –
What was this World –

    And a Laughter issued [from her] – which
I had never heard before – tauntingly
aroused – dreadful and delightful –

    – I cringed like the most
miserable Dog in Shame.

    I clenched my Fist in Wrath and
Hatred – I was going to avenge the Laughter
– and then two gentle – soft
Eyes again

MM T 2704, p. 19

came towards me – received me
in loving Tenderness –
– And my Gaze fell on
a Naked Throat – a naked Arm
– I saw the Hip that swayed –

    – She and I walked here together
in the large spruce Wood –

    – Like erect Pillars in a
Gothic Church the Trunks stood
side by side – and the Branches above
comprised the Church’s Vault –
– and everywhere small Spires – upon small Spires
– the Floor of the Church – was made up of Ferns
and Underbrush
– and Serpents and Creatures – could well have been found
among the Underbrush –

MM T 2704, p. 21

    I walked there Beside her
– who soon ran off and came back
– in search of a Flower – a blade of Grass –
– and always returning to me
with the enigmatic smiling Eyes –

    – In the Evening in the Nocturnal light
it became dimmer in the Woods –

    Her Eyes became large – Dark
Hollows – Like the Cavities of Death’s skull
– and her Voice became
slower – and softer –

    – Then we walked out of the
Woods to the Shore where
the bright Summer Night lay in all its Splendour
– the golden Horizon – radiant
Gold [extending] inward – and there I stood
gazing at her

    what a Transformation –

MM T 2704, p. 23

    Gold shimmered in Her
loosened Hair – A Gold tinge over
her Countenance –

    A Gold glimmer fell on
her white Dress – her
naked Arm –

    In her Eyes a Star
of Gold shone – and her Eyes gazed at
the Horizon – like large Diamonds
– wild – and strange

    Yet the Lines of the Mouth were drawn
in blushing softness – smiling
strangely fair –

Here I kissed for the first
Time –

MM T 2704, p. 25

the new World opened its Doors
Wide –

    A Castle was built for him
built of Moonlight, the Summer Sun
– Laughter and Tears – Smiles and Disdain –
– Expectations and Sorrows – Madness
and Confusion –

    Intoxication – and Fear – and repulsive Pleasure
The first Love
By the Time Winter arrived the Castle had
collapsed

The radiant shimmering gold Woman
was not only for him – many others
had known the same Castle –

MM T 2704, p. 27

    – He had felt then his Heart being
pulled by all of the fine Threads
like Spider Webs – they had

    Sneaked in and trussed his
Heart – tore it asunder –

    Securing their grasp tighter and tighter
around him – Infiltrated it
in the illuminated Night’s golden world of Fairies
– In the dark Anxieties of the Night –
– They are torn violently away –
That wondrous World
disappeared –

    He plunged below – into the Depths
– he lay among the Crabs and Creatures
of the Sea –

And afterwards he came here regularly every
Summer – the Forest became

MM T 2704, p. 29

Magnificent Nature’s House of Prayer where he
was once initiated – The solemn grisly
Church of Life –

    The Shoreline became the perpetually
shifting Lines of Life –

    The Sea became Death’s Abode –

    And then he painted here from the great
Frieze –

MM T 2704, p. 33

    He paced back and forth in the low-ceilinged
rectangular empty Sitting Room – The heat was
clammy near the Stove –
A clammy Cold rose up from
the Floor –

    Here lived Old Per 
Father to the man I bought the House from
– He was bedridden during the last Years
– due to Consumption – He had had it
for 10 years – Yet he held on,
the shrivelled old Man –
– His Father had died here as well – and
two of his Sons

    The Consumptive germ had prospered
here in the poor clammy
Air –

    The old Man lay here for a year

MM T 2704, p. 35

against one Wall – while his
Daughter-in-law and
her 3 Children had to situate themselves
against the other 3 Walls

    The Son was out to sea
– I remember well old
Per with a spine curved like a Violin
– every Morning at 5 thirty up by
the Pier – He was
Foreman of the Steamship Docks

    He was always coughing – the Cough
like when you rattled
an Iron Pail –
– Then his Son-in-law sold the house
in order to flee this hereditary fiend
of Humans – the Tubercular germ –

MM T 2704, p. 37

    This Germ had ravaged
my Childhood home as well –
Tore down everything in its path –

    And I had also felt its
Ravages in my Breast –
– The Germ left its victory
Banner the red
Blood Spot on the white
Handkerchief – One after the
Other – Mother, Sister – Brother
– I alone escaped –

MM T 2704, p. 39

    He lit a Fire in the Hearth
– the Kitchen –
a great flaming Fire –

    – Sparks from the Fire rose up the Chimney
Opening – from which the Air’s
Blue light could be glimpsed –

    – A strange Heat wafted
towards him – Heat
mixed with Oxygen from the Air
that flowed down – at once
stupefying and refreshing –
And at the same time spellbinding – the
great Fire captivated the Eye –
Sparks flew up towards that blue

MM T 2704, p. 41

Opening up there – and Sparks
fell inward –

    Down there amidst the Coal and
Wood not yet consumed by the fire
the white snakes of Ash
twisted convulsively as though
in the throes of Death –

    It was as though Bodies were cast
down in the glowing sea of
Flames from the blue World above –

    Thus did we imagine Hell
– in our Childhood –

    When with folded Hands we
as Children were about
to go to sleep – we stared out into
the dark Room – and imagined this

    Hell – this was how we could

MM T 2704, p. 43

perchance awaken
– like one of these convulsed
twisted Bodies thrown into
the Flames of Hell –

    – It brought to my mind a
Picture by Rubens that I had
once seen in Munich –

    – I went upstairs – and
paced back and forth in the low-ceilinged
rectangular Room and
asked myself – are You like
everyone else – permitted to
participate – in the Dance of Life?

    – He thought of Madame H , and Miss L  –
–

MM T 2704, p. 45

    – I had merely to grasp –
– Am I to blame –
am I – like one of these
convulsively twisted Bodies – to be thrown
into Hell’s fiery Hearth –
– I liked Madame H  best –
– Her warm Lips burned
against mine –

    She was married – and Children –
Miss L  –

    Wealthy, independent – experienced –
– What harm could it do, then,
what Crime be committed –
– And the whole World made love – mated

MM T 2704, p. 47

And my pounding Blood could be
quieted –

    And when – as I openly confessed
all – That this was not
true Love for
a Lifetime – that it was like
two Friends who helped each other

    – Light was cast into the rectangular
low-ceilinged Room from the large Hearth
in the Kitchen – where I paced up and
down –

    I then placed a Coffee Kettle
on the Hearth –
and prepared Coffee –

MM T 2704, p. 49

    I had bought myself a
Revolver it amused me to
shoot at a target in the Kitchen
– this little shiny Weapon –
with the little Lead bullet –

    – What was all Philosophy compared
to this – when the little Bullet hits
the Heart one is gone –

    Is one gone?
Is there nothing after this? –
What is the Meaning of
of it all? –

    Why have I come to the World
without Questions when a little
Bullet can decide my Fate –

    – And while the Coffee was boiling

MM T 2704, p. 51

I aimed at the Oak Beam
in the Kitchen –

    The Bullet disappeared in the iron-hard
Wood –

    The Coffee was done –
I smoked a Cigarette – and drank
my coffee, like a spectre the Light
from the Hearth in the Kitchen flickered –

    Are there or are there not Powers
that decide over us –

    Is there a God or not –
– Then I speak out loud into
the Room –

    If there are Powers there that
I can speak to then answer me

MM T 2704, p. 53

    Do I have the right to love
like the Animals, Plants – and
the Fishermen – or not

    A terrible Explosion deafened
me – I felt a
searing stinging Pain
above the Eye –

    I stood up in confusion
I was holding the Revolver in my Hand
and in my Mind I had
fired a Shot –
– The Bullet had scorched my
Eyelashes –

    – I strode over to the timber wall

MM T 2704, p. 55

and there sat the Bullet deep in the
hard Wood